work, sir? that's the last thing I shall do

De temps en temps even the most annoyingly highly-motivated among us finds the plaintif cry of the alarm clock falling on deaf ears. In situations like this, the only course of action open to one is to pull a sickie. Sadly, this entails a mendacious 'phone call or two. I must admit I'm pretty good at bullshitting on the hoof, as it were. But I understand most slackers find it beyond them to extemporise cogently first thing. To save you the bother, I've put together a few of my favourite cast-offs:

Failing this, the faith-based non-sequitor will usually cause most line managers to wilt visibly. I also like to mix it up with a subtle allusion to management-guru-speak by dropping in an arbitrary Americanism or two. I find it adds weight, ie...