This section celebrates poor business ideas, of which, my friend, there are many. So if fate has dealt you the twat's hand, and you're called upon to spend the majority of your working day in pointless meetings (as am I), just thank your lucky stars you haven't been embroiled in any of these stinkers.

• The Digestive Drink - digestive biscuits lovingly rendered in liquid form and served in a garishly decorated can. Ideal for busy "it" girls, who are desirous of that biscuit sensation, but don't have room for a packet in their tiny clutch bags. I believe they toyed with the notion of producing a carbonated version until some young turk pointed out that this wasn't so much pushing the evelope as wiping your arse with it before hoying it into the crapper.

• LDN Radio for London - a formally lightweight local radio station bins its schedule and instead broadcasts wall-to-wall 'phone ins because there's a war on. The rationale behind this (if one can dignify the decision by employing this word) appears to be that the public needs education and information in this time of national crisis, but is too conservative to retune to BBC Radio 4 where reasoned coverage is to be found in abundance. This education is facilitated by giving air-time to black cab drivers who think that anyone who doesn't back our boys by voting Conservative and having white skin should be bludgeoned to death with a paving slab before having his/her remains extradited.